I’m a bit past due on updating this blog and I apologize. Life has been giving us more and more curve balls and by the time I get the kids in bed each night I think I will sit down and write but I just end up going to bed myself. This isn’t an excuse, ok maybe it is but excuses were made to be used right?
Since my last post my treatment plan has changed. As you will recall I was going to do the brachytherapy, a five-day radiation treatment followed by chemo. I was going to start yesterday May 23. A few days after the initial plan, I received a call from my surgeon that she was not on board for this treatment. She explained to me that there is practically no research for anyone under the age of 45 (which I knew) and that she felt with the possibility of cancer else where in my body (due to a positive lymph node) that I need to have traditional radiation where we can treat the full breast and armpit and not just the area where the tumor was removed. She felt it was necessary to receive chemotherapy and radiation since the type of my cancer is aggressive. She then explained by doing the brachytherapy she believed it would put me at a higher risk for a recurrence since we wouldn’t be treating it fully. I completely understood and was disappointed at the same time. I had been looking forward to conquering at least one treatment quickly. She went on to explain she was not present at my treatment meeting and that the board was also trying to accommodate for less travel since I live over an hour and half away. I let her know we would be moving to Arvada soon and my commute to treatment would be about 20minutes. She was relieved to hear that since I will eventually need to attend daily.
Due to the brachytherapy not in play this week, they wanted me to start chemotherapy sooner. I explained my concerns that I would still be driving down from Granby and with it possibly making me sick I would not be able to help move or get things settled. They have agreed the longest I could push off chemo would be till June 13th and so it is still scheduled for my first chemo treatment to begin at 9am on the 13th. I will have a total of 6 treatments, one treatment every three weeks. I then will start radiation five days a week for a total of six weeks. My surgeon also allowed me the option to receive a port on my chest wall for the chemo. She said it would be my choice. A port implant would allow for easier access for the chemo and I would not have to have an IV line for each treatment. The downside is the port would stay on my body for the 5months. I said no thanks, I am totally fine being poked each time for the treatment and I have pretty good veins too.
I am happy to announce Lenny arrived home last Friday. This last transition with the kids and him gone went smoothly. Each time Lenny leaves it has taken all of us a few days to adjust and this time the kids knew what was expected and it went a bit better. We Face Time every night at book time and bedtime and it feels like he’s with us. What would we do without technology? It amazes me how far it has come. I grew up with a two dial black and white TV that we had to put a penny into the dial to hold it perfect without static and I don’t feel like I am that old at all. J Anyways, I was thankful it was just two weeks this time around. After picking him up at the airport we took a tour of the kids new school. (The school we are assigned to by location of our house.) It gets a 10 out of 10 at greatschools.net but it was much larger than we thought. We know moving to the city will count for bigger schools and this school has 750 kids. The lady giving us the tour even stated they move the kids around like cattle. We weren’t too impressed and the kids want to tour some more schools so hopefully I will get that arranged for this Friday. I know we wont have the small community feeling we have here but we are looking for a more personable school and maybe we need to give that school another try as well.
After the tour we got busy working on our new house once again. There is still a lot of work to be done and we are conquering it little by little. Lenny helps me not to get overwhelmed by telling me it’s like a book, just take it page by page. We never try to attempt a large book quickly it takes some time.
I have grown a lot in my patience these last few months. I am a planner and I like to get things done well and as soon as possible. It almost feels like we are preparing for a birth. I always wanted everything perfect and clean for when the baby arrived we could just relax and enjoy our time with our family. We are approaching crunch time but I know we won’t even be close to having everything unpacked and perfect. What I care about most is the kids rooms are done and that they can feel comfortable. I am praying chemo doesn’t put me out of commission for longer than a day because I have work to do and kids to care for. No one has time to be sick. “Aint nobody got time for THAT!” (There is a lady who is famous for saying this, and I keep picturing her…LOL, just Google that quote.)
This last weekend was full of cleaning out things and preparing the garage to hold all of our stuff that will be coming down from Granby. We are having most of the flooring replaced in the house and Home Depot will be installing the floors June 6th-June 9th. I was bummed it was not sooner but very thankful it will be done and it will still give us the weekend to set up bedrooms before the 13th.
Austin played in 6 baseball games at a tournament this weekend as well. The great thing is that all his games are in the Denver area since it is a travel team. We were able to come watch 3 of his games between some of the work. He has played on his current baseball team with the same group of boys for a few years now. It going to be hard not seeing him play with these same boys but the great thing is we can come watch the same team next year at a game or two and root them on.
I have been driving down at least twice a week to bring a load of things and then work on painting and getting the bedrooms ready. Last Wednesday I went down to get more painting completed and I received a call that my mom was being taken down to the hospital from Evergreen. I was glad I was already down so I could go see her and pick up her dog. I knew she hadn’t been feeling well but she waited a few days to see her doctor. She learned she had a bad case of pneumonia that needed some medical intervention. Throughout the weekend we stopped in to see her after Austin’s games. We received good news yesterday that she would be able to go home. I drove down again with Charlie (she hates these long drives) and was able to bring her home. She currently is on O2 but with the days ahead she will gain her strength and health back.
I feel things lately things just continue to pile on. I feel the weight of so much and then I remember to breath in and breath out, God is in control and I must surrender. There is no purpose in getting overwhelmed or full of stress or anxiety. I know I am too blessed to be stressed. This honestly continues to take a lot of practice and self-control. Over these last few months I have been trying to surrender my own wants and control to God and having been praying for his protection and guidance with every step and now it feels I have more and more things happening in my life some of which I want to throw my hands up and scream and say I cant handle anymore. I know life could be a whole lot worse, what am I complaining about? “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as member of one body you were called to peace.” Colossians 3:12.
I am reminded that it shouldn’t not surprise us if life is hard or we are handed hard situations in life, especially if we love Jesus because we also have an enemy who is trying to destroy us just because of this love. It is through these pressing times there is a bigger purpose God has for us. I have been able to change through these challenges already and God is allowing me to change for the better. I am able to see a lot more beauty and I look for that beauty in every situation. I am trying my best not to be consumed with hard feelings or anger that can arise from external circumstances. The joy of the Lord is a filling from within, it’s more about what is happening through us and it is a choice. I read just recently JOY can be looked at as J- Jesus O-Occupying Y-You. Wow, isn’t that what joy really is? That certainly is all it can be within me. If you haven’t chosen joy, try it! God is there for you and there isn’t any time like the present to start.
So there is my quick update. I’d love to write more but hopefully will this week. I thank you again if you’re still reading this and know I care. I want to thank all the ladies at my bible study as well, this last week they came together to make me a bunch of frozen Pampered Chief meals that we can have on hand. It was a huge blessing and I thank you all. Thanks to everyone who continues to pray for our family and me. P.S. I am still working on thank you’s!