March 22, 2016
9:00pm Just about 4 hours ago I received a call from my doctor. I waited all day for this call and knew it would be coming either with good or not so good news. I had called the office earlier as I was in anticipation to hear but I had no luck.
When my cell phone rang a few hours later I thought it was Lenny as he calls right about that time everyday. I answered and it was my doctor. As she started to talk she began to stutter and right then I knew she was going to tell me the not so good news. Whats a bit surprising is I was in a way expecting the bad news.
For the last four weeks God has been working within me and I have been feeling the Holy Spirit directing me. This has been more powerful then I have ever experienced in all of my life. He has been preparing me for a challenge and I knew it was ahead of me. What I didn’t know was what it was going to entail. I’ve been starting my mornings with a study Ive been reading along with my bible. With Lenny in Arizona these last three weeks I felt he was starting to prepare me for the next three months as Lenny is scheduled to be there till June 1st. Everything I read has appeared more meaningful than before. I have truly taken his word to heart and knew he was trying to get my attention.
Straight from my current bible study book “Anything” by Jennie Allen states: God has bigger purposes in allowing us to suffer, bigger than just winning. He allows us to suffer because we change through suffering. We hurt with others better. We become humble. We want him more.
The “Anything” study allows us to learn how to pray for God to do anything in our lives. It is a prayer of surrender that allow us to do anything for him, Anything! “A prayer that will move us to stop chasing what makes us feel good and instead begin to live a life that matters.”
Earlier that morning I was guided in my bible to James 1:2 “Count it all joy, my bothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness” along with my “Anything” study where I read, “Go. Run. Fight. Do not just sit there feeling sorry for yourself. Run and fight. Let your shield be faith – you won’t need to be afford. You may get tired but you won’t forget why this war matters if you don’t forget me. You’ll fight bravely, like someone who knows she fights for a cause worth dying for. You’ll keep fighting if you see me. You have me with you- I am in you. Fight bravely because I am for you and I am with you.”
These last weeks God has prepared me. At least I felt at peace when I was on the phone with my doctor as she told me, “Your biopsy results came back you have cancer.”
I know I will conquer this and I will fight it but I am at peace and I am not afraid. I know he has a reason for choosing me. I am not excited for facing this battle but I am very excited that these last few weeks along with the road ahead will build my relationship with our Lord even stronger.
With that I will Count this Breast cancer as a joy and will look forward to this journey with our Lord.